i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
