My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
This house was built for laser tag.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
