I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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