My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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