dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
