I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
