Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
