Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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