So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
