Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
foreskin is a definite game changer
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
