dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
