Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
