You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
