Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
