How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
where am i from again
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
