New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
