She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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