he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
