He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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