she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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