oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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