I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just want to make out with him forever
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
