I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
