Are we in a gay sports bar?
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
