goodnight i made you a song goodbye
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
