I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
