dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
