i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
