Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
