They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
