Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
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