Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
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2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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