My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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