toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Can Purell be used as lube?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
