I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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