I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
