ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
