hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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