are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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