I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
