He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
there is glitter all over my balls
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