ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
