is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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