Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Do vagina's smell?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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