As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
