How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
