my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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