you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize