I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
