I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
