3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize