i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
