He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
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I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
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It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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