Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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