Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize