I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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