the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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