Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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