So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
