I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You dont lie about slip and slides
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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