My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
