in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
