My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
