Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
