it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
i think my cat just said my name.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
