another moral hangover. fuck.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
