she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
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the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
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So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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