and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Randomize
