Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
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I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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