My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
