Pants 0. Shit 1.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
