Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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