I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
