hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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