the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Pooping to opera.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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