I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize