last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
