i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
