Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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