a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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