i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
