Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
