I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I wish i was in the wii world.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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