Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
