apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
