Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Small penises have feelings too.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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