So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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