Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
